I tried on bathing suits this week, and for the first time in years, I didn’t feel good in any of them.
And while I do partially blame the clothing industry (a size large, should fit a size 8, right?) I also have myself to hold accountable.
What changed?
This year has looked different for me. My lifting routine fell apart with changes in my schedule, and what feels like a constant cycle of small injuries and setbacks has made consistency harder than usual.
And I’ll be honest, it’s affected how I see myself right now.
I don’t love that feeling, but I’m also trying not to spiral into it.
Because I’ve learned this over and over again: my body always reflects my season, not my worth.
I’m in a rebuilding phase.
Not a punishment phase. Not a “start over from zero” phase.
Just a reminder of what I know I need to do
No extremes. No pressure to fix everything in a week.
How I’m Pivoting
I know what I need to do:
Eat out less
Monitoring my drinking-including swapping those margs for something lower calorie (honestly I need to stay sway from Mexican restaurants because those margs and complimentary chips are DANGEROUS)
Getting back to a lifting routine
Keep up with my 8k steps a day (thank goodness for my walking pad)
Track my macros more closely, even on the weekends
Be hard on myself, but also give myself some grace
These are all things I can do, and have done, I just think I may have needed a kick in the butt (and not injuries) to get myself back on track.
So this is ny public declaration, that as soon as my should pain subsides, I’m picking up those weights 2-3x per week, and practicing more mindfulness, and better tracking. Come mid August I have a 10 year anniversary trip I want to feel amazing for.
And while I know 10 lbs of fat lost, and a bunch of muscle gain for my ideal body is not feasible in a 6 week span - I can still make progress towards it.
If you’re in a season where you don’t feel like yourself either, I think there’s something important in remembering this:
You don’t fix it all at once. You rebuild it piece by piece.
And I’m doing that too.
And below, is a reminder of where I came from, and what I was able to achieve when I dedicated myself. Right now I’m probably smack down in between and in my mind, there’s only one way forward.
